Thursday, September 22, 2011

I hate chick flicks . . .


When did it happen? We used to have Greta Garbo, Elizabeth Taylor, Grace Kelly - women who lit up the screen, who radiated character, depth, charisma.  And then, like an insidious bait and switch, we ended up Meg Ryan, Calista Flockhart, and, ugh, Sarah Michelle Geller - stammering, stuttering, whiny little twits who simply could not do anything right. How did it happen? How did we go from this . . .

"A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to  get tied up."
 To this . . .

"I do press junkets and people will tell me what I've supposedly said in articles and I always disagree with myself. 'Why in  the world would I say that?'" Why indeed . . .
After a decade or two of watching these witless wonders 1) drop things at the worst possible moment, 2) spill stuff on their, or other people's clothing at the worst possible moment, 3) barge into serious meetings at the worst possible moment, 4) get weepy, and finally 5) get The Guy, who is ALWAYS competent and good-looking and who solves all their dumb, and usually self-induced problems, and loves them for being the insipid, spineless, insecure airheads that they really are, I have to ask myself: Why are all these silly, frivolous, dopes still alive? Why haven't they tripped over their own high heels or gotten caught in an elevator door one too many times? Why haven't their writers succumbed to Alzheimer's? Why do audiences watch them? Or, since all those questions are rhetorical and not only don't require answers, but should not be dignified by them . . . who LIKES this shit???

Is it women? (I mean, these are called "chick flicks" for a reason.) Do women actually enjoy watching other women embarrass themselves ad nauseam? Wouldn't they rather watch a beautiful, talented, smart heroine kick the crap out of some evil dude? Or would that simply make women feel inferior?  Yeah.  That must be it. The reason women like all these stupid females is that women really ARE dumb.

OK. Maybe that's not a good argument. Perhaps, the reason so many "women's films" feature self-involved, clumsy women is that MEN prefer women who are spineless and incompetent. Right! That must be it!  The reason we are being tortured with decades of blonde bimbos is that MEN are dumb.

No, that can't be it. Men can't be dumb.  Men invented the femme fatale, Wonder Woman, Octopussy.  So what reason can there possibly be for this infestation of gormless females?

The only answer that I can come up with that makes the slightest bit of sense for why we traded Greta Garbo for a return to this . . .


 is that it's a Conspiracy.  They're in it together . . .

Shhhhh . . . 




Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Top ten media myths: Number 1

We are dependent on Middle-Eastern oil.


Jimmy Carter said it,  Bush said it, Nixon said it, Obama said it, hell, they've all said it.  And, by George, whatever emerges from between the honest, God-fearing lips of our Presidents must be true. I mean, if you can't believe the  President of the United States, who can you believe? 


Well, they're all liars, every single one of them, and while you're at it, add the New York Times, the Washington Post and EVERY SINGLE OTHER NEWSPAPER in the U.S.  The only reliable news source that has told the truth about this supposed Mid-East oil dependency is Jon Stewart, who, like it or not, tells all the news that is unfit to print.


Here's the skinny: most of our imported oil, roughly a third, comes from that rabid, Islamicist nation known as "Canada."  The reason for this preference is obvious - just look at a map.  Go ahead, right now, look at a map.  Which country is closer, Canada or Saudi Arabia? Latin America, the other major source of imported oil (a little over a third), is also a lot closer than Saudi Arabia. (Look "down" on your map, just past the 20-foot high, thousand-mile long fence and all the Rangers with shotguns ablazing, and you will find Latin America.) Saudi Arabia supplies roughly a tenth of our imported oil, and always has (see below).  Iraq is up to 5%, which is an all-time high. (This spike in imports is result of our invasion . . . you remember, the one that was supposed to pay for itself in oil  revenues, and ended up driving us into a major recession, now known for all posterity as The Recession.)


And if you don't believe me (and why should you? I haven't been elected President . . . yet), you can just look it up on the Department of Energy's website.  Get out your calculator and go there right now.
ftp://ftp.eia.doe.gov/pub/oil_gas/petroleum/data_publications/company_level_imports/current/import.html
Relationships are so complicated, aren't they?


So,  why does everybody repeat this myth ALL THE TIME? Well, for one thing, the myth justifies our "involvement" in the Middle East.  (Relationships are so complicated, aren't they? I swear, sometimes you have to drop a bomb or two just to make them notice you. And do they EVER compliment you on your new burqa?) The myth keeps the hatred flowing, because nobody likes a dependent relationship, and that, in turn, keeps us "involved." And last, but not least, the myth SHUTS US UP, because nothing is more dangerous in a democracy than an educated public.


You may well ask how this all came about.  (Actually, what you are asking is, "Why am I still reading this conspiracy-theory nonsense?") After all, if everyone, and by that I mean, every man, woman and child in the United States EXCEPT for Jon Stewart (and me), says something, it's got to have some little bit of truth behind it.  


Well, actually, no.  The truth is that the whole concept of "foreign oil" is completely bogus.  A handful of oil companies once known as the Seven Sisters, but which internecine cannibalism has now reduced to five (or four? Who says anti-trust laws are dead?) control all of the oil we consume, as well as oil prices, production levels, etc. -  NOT OPEC!! And it's been this way since 1928, when the Red Line Agreement divvied up all the oil in the Persian Gulf between the U.S. (we got Saudi Arabia, and subsequently owned ALL of their oil outright up until 1973), France, England, Holland and a guy named Calouste Gulbenkian (who after receiving his 5% of the revenues became the richest man on earth.) It's been bad news for the Mid-East since then.  The oil cartel that controls Mid-Eastern oil, controls the oil supply to Europe and Asia, making it a nice place to invade.


So, to sum up.  This nation is not dependent on Mid-Eastern oil, we are dependent on oil companies which have made the concepts of "nations," "imports," and "independence" obsolete.